Don't Bully my Baby

As a father of a special needs child, I am constantly on alert for symptoms of bullying.  We know that children with disabilities are "different" and this often becomes a lightening rod for those children who seek out the weak and prey on them!

When my daughter Melissa was 12 and in seventh grade (2000) she came home one day and told me that some kids at school were calling her names.  I was enraged.  How dare these punks make fun of my baby!  We made the standard phone call to the school, alerting them to the situation.  But I feared that while they may try to correct the situation, those efforts might fail.

So I decided to take matters into my own hands.

Nothing impresses young punks like motorcycles.  Bikes are cool and the assumption is they are ridden by "tough guys".  Just so happens that at this time I owned a Harley Davidson.  It was LOUD and it was fast.  Melissa loved to ride with me.  So this gave me an idea.

I told her that rather than ride the bus home, I would pick her up at school the next day.  You guessed it ... i took the HOG.  I arrived at the school before classes were dismissed.  I parked right in front so that all the kids coming out would see me there.  The bell rang and kids started streaming from the front door.  And there was Melissa.  When she saw me sitting there on the bike, her eyes lit up.  She came over, put on her helmet, and we soon roared down the driveway as she waved goodbye to her friends.  It was quite a spectacle.  Every boy standing there saw Melissa on that motorcycle.  And they saw her "bad-ass" Dad with her!

Suffice it to say that the teasing stopped. 

Bullying in school is now news.  I recently saw one story about a father whose daughter was being accosted on the bus and he lost his cool, and after confronting the kids on the bus, was arrested and now faces criminal charges.

One reason the media has focused on this issue stems from a recent letter sent by the U.S. Department of Education to schools, colleges and universities, offering them guidance regarding harassment. The guidance focuses on legal obligations to protect students from student-on-student racial and national origin harassment, sexual and gender-based harassment, and disability harassment.

It was great to see that children with disabilities was included. 

As a father whose mission is to protect his vulnerable child, what can be done?

I do not endorse trying to handle things personally.  That will only lead to trouble for you and if you are in jail, then who will be there to protect your child?  A better approach might be educating and then communicating with your kid.

Some children with cognitive impairment have difficulty recognizing when they are being harassed. To help them better recognize when they have become a target, I believe that the process begins with education. We often look to schools to offer this, but sometimes that just doesn't happen.

I found this great web site that offers a number of powerpoint presentations that help you Talk About Bullys.  Depending on your specific situation, you might find some ideas here that could help broach the subject of bullying with your child.

Once they recognize a bully, then they are better equipped to avoid them--or report them if they become a target.

When I saw the recent news reports on bullying, it brought me to ask Melissa about her own experiences.  We have had the conversation in the past and she understands about bullys.  And I have assumed that she would tell me if she was bullied.  But I had long forgot that conversation.

I asked her, "Melissa have you been bullied?"  Her answer was "No, Dad".  Good thing, because I sold that Harley years ago.

PEACE